If you want children, bringing them up in home with both parents is the best strategy and best for their well fare. Just how is it all good when the husband is damn miserable? Why does the sex have to decrease anyway? If the woman never found the guy sexually attractive, she should have left him the heck alone!!! Make no mistake, this is the case with the majority of young men. More of a benefit, really…. I also happen to think that people are creatures of habit. Those who have had lots of sex and lots of attention will expect or even take for granted that it will continue.
This goes for anything you like, food, drinks, games, etc, too. That means that those who are most used to a frequent and diversified sex life, and expect that situation to continue in a monogamous relationship.
Should their expectations not be met, they are the ones who are most likely to go out and cheat, and not the other way around. Nearly ALL of you have glossed over all the comments I made in my comment. None of you have specifically answered my question.
Im going to assume that getting regular sex is the ONLY reason why you or the people your judging your comments on get married. I do not personally believe that I have had the best sex of my life. I have had lots of sex, some good, some bad, some ok. It was different with each person for different reasons. Can you possibly comprehend the possibility of some sort of middle ground? No, people do not get married only for sex.
I do believe some men do so. It is not the right thing to do just as getting married for money is not either…. Sex IS the canary in the coal mine! I am speaking only in terms of hetero. Lastly, as for the swinging thingy I am a non believer. Why the hell would I want to be in a sexless, or low sex relationship? If a woman has enjoyed lots of sex, it is not reasonable for her to expect such in marriage.
If that were the case, I do not think men would be in a huff about sex in marriage. Otherwise, how will you get any? This site gets worse with every article Dr. The quote should have read: What sounds like a human issue is really just a female entitlement issue. I want to break this to you, that in casual sex encounters, men are generally a lot more friendly, courteous than women.
The women have a lot more leverage, they usually get to decide when where and how. Women are more likely to kick a man out of bed after its over. He wants to use her body; she wants to use his. Some people feel the need — others feed the need. Its more that that. If I want to have casual sex with woman, I want to have good time together.
Just using her body as another tool for masturbation is not gonna make us both have good time. If we want to have good time with anyone, of course we would respect that person, right? We would not kick their asses out after those good times right? Casual sex should be about mutual fun and pleasure. If you just want a physical release with an anonymous collection of body parts, you should get a prostitute. Using one way is bad, using both ways is mutual.
Even a hookup should have an emotional component. At the least, you should like each other. You should care about the other person even for just that night. You should not view them as just a tool. Well I guess by emotional I mean a deeper feeling like love, vs lust with a bit of an emotional component.
To expound on my first comment: How do you have mutually-enjoyed casual sex wthout having sex? You can have an honest sexual relationship with a woman with an agreeable mutual exchange and everyone is happy. Why is that so criminal is beyond me. Lying, abuse emotional, physical, financial , cheating all goes with marriage. Yes, this is why Dr. It feeds into their sense of entitlement. Some women, but it does seem to be popular with them.
It seems to be more about telling women what they want to hear vs understanding why men are annoyed. Topics I will touch on: Cooking a decent roast; dressing sexy but not slutty; staying in shape while not complaining about your brutal workout and diet regimen; how to be a wxxxx in the bedroom; stop nagging and be emotional supportive.
But fair is fair. So my advice would balance things out. This female reader would enjoy the tips. And he cooks, too! I would gladly read it! Nerdlove, telling women how they need to suck it up and improve themselves. I think that this site sees itself as a site for and about men, hence it would be suprising to find such an article here. Do ypu know Susan Walsh from Hooking up smart? Like women naturally are more into alpha males and not beta males. I hate when anybody put men on different categories like alpha and beta.
I more into Dr Nerd Love idea that we are not that different, our differences mostly created by society and culture. We are not that different. Yeah, well, if that were really the case, Dr. I too have heard of Susan Walsh. She is a notorious critic of college hook-up culture, which she asserts is harmful to women.
She advocates for a return to traditional gender rolls, in order to protect women from themselves. Walsh certainly is ideological. She seems to try to seperate between truth and what she believes is good. Of course everybody is kind of biased and I have only read a couple of her posts. This makes me wonder if we are talking about the same person. In the article I referenced, Susan Walsh twists the findings of a scientific study to fit her preconceptions.
I once met a girl in a club, then went back to her place. She sat up in bed, looked at me and said,. This is all fine and good. I mean, if I have to put so much effort into wooing a woman I better get sex and get paid on top of it. Or at the very least the sex has to be mind-blowing. Safe, yet dangerous; tender, yet hard; open, yet opaque. Women need to at least try for a 9 or 10 on the scale of delicately balanced contradictions or a world of sadness awaits….
I believe this choice is no different for men and women! I would never try and pull a 9 or John — I have experienced the 9 and 10s being full off themselves more often than not. Cant really base it on anything else, maybe i could read some studies about this issue? I have always avoided the obviously good looking types, the stunningly hansom. Just me I guess. I am not sure where I stand on that opinion tbh. Extreme confidence and on the negative side, the power to manipulate is legions more sexy and powerful than good looks when it comes to men.
But you already knew that. They know that for a man, just good looks wont bring you anywhere. Not just in dating, but also in college and workplace.
Yes, you are correct. All the woman need is to find the man attractive. Usually, it is physical attraction. He could be a thug, derelict……it does not matter to the woman. I have seen women the size of a small car having a steady stream of fit young men to have sex with. And then these fat women whine about feeling undesirable.
Women are so blinded by their own perspective. Jules, is that a direct comment about my comments or is that just a general comment about the issue in general? It is a general comment about women. You have to deeply discount what they say. Just pay very close attention to what they do. Therein lies the truth of the matter. I am a man of average physical attractiveness. However, I am a high status guy. I do dress very well, work out, and run 5 days a week. I am well educated Vanderbilt and successful.
I am bold and confident yet laid back and low key most of time. I have zippy to prove to anyone. Women find me attractive and likable.
But yes, women probably get rejected less than men so they rant as adept at dealing with it. A FWB is casual sex in my opinion. Women being dishonest about sex — they underestimate the power of the attachment that happens in my experience.
These articles tell us that women are selective just because they have a risk of being sexually violated or having their reputation tarnished. They dont mention that even if these factors were removed, hypothetically, women would still be much more picky than men and have higher standards because they just find fewer men physically and sexually appealing.
They are just predisposed to find fewer men attractive. That or maybe nature just creates more ugly men than women. This is the root of the conundrum. The plain indian peahen is as selective as human females, and the peacock runs after the peahen in a similar manner to human males — even though every peacock is clearly more beautiful. If you could interview the peacock, I bet he like you would declare that the female of his species is more physically beautiful too. Lets think about this, most women spend their days taking care of their appearance.
They worry about their weights and body shape, so they are dieting. They taking care of their hairs, using hair treatment products to make their hair looks smooth and good. They go to hair saloon. They taking care of their skin using various body lotion, moisturizer, body scrub, etc. They like go shopping and searching for nice clothes which will make them look better. Men need to be good looking, be in perfect shape, wear good fashionable clothes, look their best if they want to go out and pull a woman for casual sex.
A woman can be chubby, average looking, wear her jeans, an inexpensive top, make a pony tail, put on minimal makeup and choose from a dozen men, while on a night out. This is all the effort women have to put into their looks to get laid.
Women put all the effort into their appearance for other reasons. Replace minimal make-up with no-make-up-at-all. You know the men who say they prefer the no-make-up look. I always found visible eyeshadow to be tacky. I like women in makeup…I also like them without.
Eyeliner n eyelash makeup really stand out to me, I was crushed to learn the eyelashes women have on tv were fake! My comments keep not appearing, weird. You dont need to built like fitness models, just be in shaped. Both men and women attracted to healthy person. No lotions at all. I also have no armpit hair, never had any. Might help for that. This is when women turn heads and get asked out. This is when woman are praised. I notice when people take care of themselves.
A bit of makeup is nice but taking 3 hours to apply it is a problem: Even in my college all my girl friends never go out with bare face, but they still look natural.
Most men have some women they are close to and they know how a face with makeup and how a face with no makeup look like. So if they say, they prefer women without makeup, just believe them. Ahh, men sweat more and not sure if you are male bodied? I am also slightly OCD about oil on my skin, I realllly hate it so I use facewash, etc to get a nice clear skin and that also helps with any issues with pimples. No tornados, no noticeable earthquakes at least none that do damage , no tsunamis, no flood, no forest fires usually, at least nothing like California.
By male bodied I mean typical testosterone laden penis wielding body which i believe sweats more than female bodies and causes more BO. Its not even half of my gym fee membership for a year. If we consider working out as beauty products, for me its more like a hobby. My boyfriend and I both have long hair, it looks good. See no reason to. Washing it more often than a week, unless it gets extremely dirty due to workplace, very sweaty, etc is unnecessary.
Also, sweat is water soluble, hair products are not. Meaning getting your hair and scalp wet removes the sweat, without using shampoo or anything.
I wash mine every 2 weeks. And it used to be 3 weeks. Hair itself is dead keratin. Only the scalp is alive because ultimately, its skin. Hair itself has no biological process that could sweat or produce bad smell.
Only your environment smoke, dust and the scalp and neck, could sweat or make it be dirty. Sweat goes off without using shampoo. Yes, this includes the smell of sweat. Because sweat is water soluble its mostly water, too. And soap and shampoo are necessary to remove the oil and bacteria that cause body odor. I agree sweat itself has no odor, but the skin also produces oils that bacteria feed on.
They would drench themselves in oil then scrape it off to remove body oils and dirt. Soap works much better. Heck, at the beginning of the century, shampoo was only a kind of harsh soap, so people washed their hair once a week at best.
Believe me, people smelled unwashed. But everyone there was used to it, I guess. Because sex is hotter with good connection. Because you can do wilder things with someone you trust.
My best casual sex has been after a few hours of flirtatious bar conversation and a friendly chat about sexual preferences act? If a guy want to have sex directly without having to know each other, he would have gone to prostitute. First Name Last Name. Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free. NerdLove is not really a doctor. All she need is for him to be an attractive guy.
Nothing else really matters. But, many women continue to pretend about this emotional thingy. Kat they keep chasing you for repeat encounters. You women can pick a new guy every night. Sarah… I certainly understand you feelings. I stsrted grad school and had another relationship. There's a hierarchy of seriousness on the dating sites. At the top is something like Guardian Soulmates or Match — the ones you pay for. You put in your pictures and add some information if you can be bothered.
I started with one line "Single Canadian girl in London". It's superficial, based purely on physical attraction, but that's what I was looking for. You go through what's there, if you see someone you like, you swipe right. If he swipes you too, it lights up like a game, then asks if you want to keep playing.
My first Tinder date was with someone I'd seen before on OKCupid — the same faces crop up on all these sites. He knew all the cool restaurants, the best places and, as he was only in London occasionally, things moved faster than they should have.
After just a few dates, he booked us a night in a fancy Kensington hotel. I met him at a pub first — liquid courage — and knew the second I saw him that my heart wasn't in it. The connection wasn't there for me. Not a great start. But Tinder is addictive. You find yourself browsing and swiping and playing on. The possibilities pile up. I'm ashamed to say it but I sometimes went on three or four dates a week.
It could be to a bar around the corner, or somewhere fabulous — Berner's Tavern, the Chiltern Firehouse. Most of the guys I met were looking for sex, rarely were they after a relationship. With Tinder, I discovered what it could be to have sex then walk away without a backward glance. Sex didn't have to be wrapped up with commitment, and "will he? It could just be fun.
Sometimes I had nothing in common with the guy but there was a sexual spark. In "real life", he was the ultimate knob. He didn't fit with my politics, my views, I'd never have introduced him to my friends. In bed, though, he was passionate, eager, energetic. For a while, we'd hook up every six weeks. But there were a lot of negatives. It could feel … seedy. Where do you go for sex? I didn't feel comfortable taking someone back to my place, as he'd then know where I lived, and I live alone.
If we went back to his, I'd have no idea what to expect. With "Aldgate East", we had to walk through a pub to get to the bedroom and I swear there was a train going through the lounge.
You're trusting people you barely know. After a few dates with "Manchester", I agreed to visit his hotel room next time he was in London. I'd always been diligent about practising safe sex, but he had trouble getting in the mood with the condoms and went against my wishes at the last moment.
The next morning I wrote him an angry text. I've never felt so violated. Most often, though, I didn't have sex at all. I generally left home open to the possibility but found, when my date showed up, that I didn't want to see him again, let alone see him naked. There was no spark, or he was dull or gross or just too pushy. One date chased me to the tube trying to shove his tongue down my throat. Another — who started promisingly — changed after his second drink, spilling a glass of wine on me without apologising, and cutting me off each time I spoke.
It can be harder to walk away when you've met through Tinder. When you're matched, you can spend days — in some cases, weeks, months — exchanging messages, texting and working yourselves up, filling in the gaps with your imagination. By the time you meet, you've both invested so much, you've raised your hopes and his. In some ways Tinder can even work against you finding a partner. I met one guy who was a likely contender for a boyfriend.
We went on five dates without sex, just a kiss and a hug.